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FollowingNHisFlipFlops
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Name: Kristin
Birthday: 4/27/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: JeSuS, Guitar, singing, church, CrossWalk, my friends (who doesnt love their friends), music, drama, dance, singing, flip flops, ladybugs, cereal.
Expertise: Being me! ... and yea
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Construction
Message: message me
AIM:  JacksGrl
Member Since:
6/24/2005
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| so i'm sitting here wanting to post, but not quite sure what to say. The last post was... emo to say the least, but these last few days have been very hard. My emotions have been going hay wire, and because I cannot control the situations and circumstances around me, I want to panic, and just throw in the towel on it all. But, I cannot. I have to trust God while not having a clue as to what is going on. It felt like I was at a stop, like i had gone so far and now a nice, insolated, brick wall had been put up right in front of me. I hate brick walls, but God doesn't see a brick wall, and I have to look through His eyes more than mine. Sometimes trusting God feels like dying! But then... He always resurrects me. "it will pass" -- you have no idea how much I needed to hear that! Seasons... it's only a season... | | |
| ... that's it, I'm backin off. I can almost hear theme music playing behind me. I'm so dramatic it's ridiculous. I don't know and I don't want to deal with it. I don't know if I really can't deal with it, or I just don't want too. Either way... I'm so tired. | | |
| Love is the most precious gift God has given us, yet it is the most controversial thing among Christians. We have all of these boundaries and rules in place to maintain purity and abstain from the "appearance of evil"... all the while some of the rules and boundaries are putting up walls... walls built and kept guard by fear and legalism. We feel if we let people in, we will get hurt, get too attached, get turned down, or what not. Yet if we don't let people in, if we don't love each other, we die on the inside. We suffocate. The bible tells us in Peter to love each other fervently and from a pure heart. Because of all the impurities the rules have been set in place; because of immature Christians who cannot separate lust from love, a crush from a brother, there have been boundaries set. Yes, yes, we need boundaries, I'm not saying we should go around with the "free love" mind set. But now when you do try to biblically love someone, do things for them, show them how you care, they or others take it wrong. I hate it so much because I have it so strong inside of me to love people. I don't care who you are, you can be my enemy and something will randomly take over me and it will be all I can do to keep from squeezing you and telling you how great you are! God put love on the inside of all believers, but I also think there is something extra... an extra gift of it... that He gives to some people. But you have to be open to receive it. I just wish we could be open and honest with how we care about one another without people thinking we're gay or in love with someone. It makes me want to scream "get over yourself and let me love you already!!". But I guess that kind of freedom will only happen in heaven. I don't know... but until then, I can do my best to fight for it. | | |
| It's been so hard since i got home. I felt something over me, something suppressing me like I just couldn't shake it. I had so much shame and fear. But tonight I finally got real and talked with my mom and now I'm listening to this amazing song called Savior King by Hillsong, and something broke. I feel hope now, even if it is small and weak, it's there. Next comes faith, because faith is the substance of the things I hope for. I believe I have faith too, it's just I'm too scared to open my eyes and see it. I'm gonna get better, I'm gonna get through this. It's going to be okay. It's not easy, but that's okay because I have God's help. He will step into the midst of the roaring title wave, and hold me tight. He promised. Isaiah 46:4 -Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you.
He has made me, He knew what He was getting Himself into... *takes deep breath* Okay... lets go... | | |
| I can be such a girl sometimes... I haven't felt this way in sooo long. I like a guy, and that is very new for me, to TRULY like someone. But I'm going through so much, and i need God to heal me so deeply, and I'm scared. I want to go through it, because I see what the end result will be, but He's gonna take me much deeper than is comfortable, and I'm not even sure how to begin the healing process. What do I do? What do I pray? What do I read? I wish I could go somewhere warm out doors, lay down on a hill, and just listen. I need to be basked in Him, but my heart feels so callous. I'm scared He will never overtake me again. I know that the Bible says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, that I am accepted in the Beloved, that it was His GOOD PLEASURE to adopt me into His family and that He predestined me to be His child... but it's hard to apply when you don't feel it. I know that feelings mean nothing.... but they are the biggest mirage to get around. Father, I feel so far away, will You help me get back to You? So anyway, I know that nothing will happen with me and this guy until I am not so broken... God doesn't give broken gifts. So he is another encouragement to get well, but he's not what I need... I need my Father's embrace. Well, i'm going. What do you do when you're completely broken inside...and you can't yet see the light? | | |
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